Funny Pinoy Jokes - Visayan Jokes 3

(Nasakpan si Juan sa iyang teacher nga nagcheat)

Teacher: In ana nalng jud ka kabogo Juan?

Juan: Ma’am! Seeking help is not a sign of ignorance.
... It is an intellectual act that allows people to admit that some situations are not
meant to be handled alone.

Teacher: (tulala)


boy1: bai, ilugon nako imu uyab ha!
boy2: suwayi..
boy1: ma.ilog man gani ng yuta, uyab pa kaha?
boy2: aw, o sad, mabungkag man gani ng bato, nawong pa kaha?...

Hahaha



Titser: cge, pass ur papers!
Titser: oh, Juan?Pareha man lage mug answer ni Pedro?
Juan: ang ang!pareha man og questions!bogo lage ka mam noh?





Amo:Nganung wala man ka mamubo sa tanom?
Katabang:Nag uwan man mam
Amo:(nasuko) problema diay na?Di pagpayong!





Lolo: Miss, pwede mi makasulod sa bar?
Girl: Pwede kaayo, sulod dayon mo!
Lolo: Aw, abi nako og dili, naa man goy gisuwat nga 'Below 18 Not Allowed Inside'.
Tulo raman mi kabook gud!



Pasyente: Mga pila kaha ang facelift dok
Doktora: Complete treatment kay P145,000 apil nana nose lift.
Pasyente: kamahal ana!!! unsa pinakabarato diha nga mabata ako hitsura??
Doktora: o tsupon, P20 lang!!! supsupa...


Teacher: Ok, class! do you know Jose Rizal?
Pupil1: No Mam...
Teacher: Ikaw Juan?
Juan: No Mam...
Teacher: Wala jud mo kailang Jose Rizal?!!!
Pedro: Mam, basin tua na sya sa laing section....



inahan(unggoy): Asa man ka gikan ha! nagkabulingit lang nang dagway
nimo da.
anak(unggoy): Nay! didto ko sa ako amigo kay bday nya lami mi ug kaon.
inahan(unggoy): Ikaw no! wa na lang gyud kay kauwaw, bisan asa bday
adto ka.
anak(unggoy): Si nanay sad oi! sige lang kay invite man sad nako sila ako
bday. Kanus-a gani ako adlaw natawhan nay?
inahan(unggoy): Ambot nimo oi!
anak(unggoy): Laina sad nanay oi! di man ko tubagon. Kanus-a lagi ako
adlaw natawhan nay!
inahan(unggoy): Ayaw ko pangutan-a adlaw natawhan nimo kay dili ka
tawo unggoy ka! ingna ko kanus-a ka na unggoy!
anak(unggoy): Bitaw no... hehehe...





Juan : Bai, naa nay taning akong kinabuhi... Taman nalang ko karong kadlawon. Text text ta tibuok gabii....
Jose: Pagpuyo!!!! Sayo pa ko mumata ugma. May man ka kay dili na....


Kulas: Tikla bsin unsay mahitabo sa akong operasyon ugma ang mga bata atimana unya.
Tikla:Saba dha kulas Oa nimu wui, wala ko kabati ug dunay namatay sa tuli.


"Manag-uyab"

BF: Paaka!
GF: unsaon?
BF: supsupa ba!
GF: ana?
BF: o, ayaw iluwa og mogawas ha?
GF: dli ko lood!
BF: dli lagi!
GF: yuck! nakatulon kog buhok!
BF: syempre Balot gud na!
Wahahahaha!


Bungi Gitahi sa DoctorTapos Gitistingan pa pronounce.
DOCTOR: Cge e pronounce daw

Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao
.
.
BUNGI: LUKOT , PASAYAN, BULINAO.
DOCTOR: naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! MITAMOOT...



Teacher: Juan kinsa ang ngpatay ni Dr. Jose Rizal?
Juan: (bag-o abot sa klase) Mao ka mam! aq dayon imong pasanginlan abi late kaayo ko manangil daun mo!

hahahaha!!


Pilosopo nga LOLO!!!
 
Apo: matay lo, kaon pud oi bisan duha lng ka-kutsara bah para mulagsik-lagsik ka.
Lolo: hanggaw man siguro kang bataa ka, maglisud man gani ko ug kaon anang lugaw... pakaonon na hinuon ko nimo ug kutsara nga duha pa gyud ka-buok...


Girl: bwesit kah!break na ta!
Boy: huh?y man luvs?
Girl:aw sori luvs, wrong send q.
Boy:aw ok.abi kog ako...


 Juan: "Dok, bati kayu ako pagpagawas sako hugaw kai mutumong jud og alas says sa buntag kada adlaw!"
Doctor: "There's nothing to worry Juan, talagsaon na lang nang ing-ana nga mutultol jud imong bowel movement sa oras na mugawas na. Unsa mai gkabalak-an nimo ana?"
Juan: "Ah kuan Dok, alas siete na man gud ko mumata!"



 Jinggoy: Tay, nganong nagsul-ob ka og duha kabuok jacket samtang namintal.
Erap: Ingon man gud ang directions nga use 2 coats for best results!



Duha ka inano nanggamit ug babaye. Niabang ug kwarto nga nagtapad.

INANO1: Paita ani uy. Di man gyud mobarog ako-a!
(Samtang iyang madungog sa pikas kwarto.)
INANO2: Padung na sab ko...1...2...3...ugh!
(Tibuok gabii.)
Pagka-ugma.
INANO1: Komusta man gabii pre? Pwerte gyud nakong uwawa uy. Wa man gyud mobarog si junior!
INANO2: Kana, imong gika-uwaw? Wa man gani ko nga ultimo pagkat-kat sa katre, wa gyud ko kahimo!

Funny Pinoy Jokes - English Jokes 3

a couple had 3 kids named
SOMEBODY, NOBODY and CRAZY.
NOBODY was the favorite,
SOMEBODY was jealous.
so he killed NOBODY.
... CRAZY saw what hapend, he called the cops and said :
" hello police, SOMEBODY killed NOBODY "the police asked,
" are you crazy? "

he said:

" yes im crazy !"


Biker: what are u doing?
Girl: committing suicide
Biker: well before u die i wish to i kiss you
Girl : ok
(after kissing)
biker : Wow that was the best kiss in my life...but why are you committing suicide?
Girl : because my parents don't like me dressing like a girl




when I have a problem I just sing and then realize  that my voice is worse than my problem


FROG: what does my future hold?
FAIRY: you'll meet someone who wants to know everything about you.
FROG: great! Will I meet her in a party?
FAIRY: no. in biology class







A boss confused about his Math asked his secretary:
If I give you P3M less 17%, how much would you take off?
SECRETARY: everything sir! Dress, bra, panty!



In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.

The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim. Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, th...e hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some 'religion'!" The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive....

Funny Pinoy Jokes - Visayan Corny Jokes 2

Enjoy watching this video, it may sounds so corny but still funny!

Visayan Corny Jokes 2 (Courtesy of Youtube)