Funny Pinoy Jokes - English Jokes 2

Boy: Remember, what I am about to tell you is very important.
Girl: Okay. What is that?
Boy: I love you so much that I want to live with you forever and ever!
Girl: (Flattered) Okay, I’ll keep that in mind.
Boy: Good, please tell that to your pretty best friend, huh!


Juan, Pedro and Ondo, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: "10, 9, 8,....".
Juan shouts, "Flood!". In a sudden, a big wave came. Juan was able to escape because of the commotion.
It's Pedro's turn. He shouts: "Earthquake!". The people watching the execution panicked. He was able to escape.
Ondo was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: "10, 9, 8, 7....". Ondo had a mental block. "5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." Ondo shouted: "Fire!".



A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle
seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what
was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say
things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."







A duck walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender.
The bartender says "What can I get you?"
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (looking surprised and finding the question odd):
No, I'm afraid we don't.
And the duck waddles slowly out of the bar.
The next day at the same time, the duck waddles into the bar, hops up on a bar stool.
Bartender: Hi. What can I get for you?
Duck: Umm. Do you have any grapes?
Bartender (a little annoyed): Hey! Weren't you in here yesterday. Look buddy, we don't have any grapes. OK?
The duck hops off the stool and waddles out the door.
The next day, at the same time, the bartender is cleaning some glasses when he hears a familiar voice
Duck: Umm.. Do you have any grapes?
The bartender is really ticked off.
Bartender: Look. What's your problem? You came in here yesterday asking for grapes, I told you, we don't have any grapes!! Next time I see your little duck tail waddle in here I'm going to nail those little webbed feet of yours to the floor. Got me pal?
And the duck hops off the bar stool and waddles out.
The next day at the same time, the duck waddles into the bar, walks up to the bartender and the bartender says,
"What the heck do you want?"
Umm. do you have any nails?
What!? Of course not.
Oh. Well, do you have any grapes?




New dictionary for students:

ALLOWANCE : a force that motivates you to go to school.
BONUS : the key to pass the exam.
ID : alternative ruler to draw a straight line.
STUDYING : causes sleepiness faster than a sleeping pills.
TOMORROW : deadline.
CLINIC : home of best actors and actresses.
BREAK : most enjoyable subject.
NERD : best friend during exams!